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My life in ruins

“You’re ruining my life,” M1 screams at me as once again I am sending her to her room for a bit of ‘time-out’.

It’s not really time-out for anyone because she’ll spend the next ten minutes banging and stamping her feet and yelling at me. However at least she is not in my direct zone and that is best for all of us. I know she will calm down…eventually, and be pleasant for a moment or two.

How I am ruining her life at age five and almost three quarters I am not sure. Maybe me telling her she can’t have another packet of tiny teddies will stop her saving the world from a meteor strike that might happen on 27 August 2027 because those very tiny teddies might have just been what she needed for brain development which leads her to create the antidote for stray meteors. Sorry world. I’m ruining your lives too.

Maybe I am ruining her life because her not swinging on the monkey bars after school for ‘just five more minutes pleeeeeeaaaaase mum’ means she won’t develop into an Olympic gymnast. Sorry AOC. Sorry all you people hanging for Australia to win gymnastic gold at the Olympics.

Potentially I am ruining her life because not letting her eat chocolate cake for breakfast means she will not get the sugar rush that will prepare her adequately for some addiction later in life! Sorry to those who have to hold back her hair.

Maybe me telling her not to sing in such a shrill fashion that I am forced to face scrunch (thus causing me wrinkles) is ruining her life because there is a career for her in opera singing and I am obviously not recognising it. Sorry Opera Australia.

Maybe me telling her not to push her brother is ruining her life because without building upper body strength he won’t get the skills to become a key midfielder for the Sydney Swans and she won’t get to sit in a corporate box at a home game to watch him play in the 2033 season. Sorry Swans fans.

Perhaps I am ruining her life because I don’t let her have canteen money every day which means she wont have any concept of how to spend in the December sales. This of course will lead to a down turn in the Australian economy and imminent depression from around 2024. Sorry Australian economy and taxpayers.

I know I am ruining her life when we walk down the Barbie aisle saying ‘no, no, no, no…’ because she may not develop body issues with limited exposure to the plastic goddess, and well we all need those issues so we have something to blame our mothers for.

However, it’s Barbie who is in part responsible for all of this – or at least Barbie as she appears in Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus. I discovered this lovely role model – in the guise of a teenage ice skater called Annika – tells her parents they are ‘ruining her life’ when they ask her not to leave the castle – for good reason I might add – they have already had another daughter turned into a flying mythical horse by an evil wizard.

So for fear of my daughter being ‘winged’ I expect I will keep ruining her life. Bring on those teenage years…

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