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Monthly Archives: August 2014

Mother f… what?

Recently I was at one of my favourite Sydney shopping centres, best-loved because it’s easy to park, easy to negotiate with a pram, you can get good milkshakes, it has a great indoor kids playground, and on this recent visit, I noticed it had a ‘mother-friendly toilet’. ‘What a fabulous idea,’ I thought as I passed (it was one of those rare occasions when I was blessed with going on my own). This cubicle was a vast open space with two toilets – one normal sized for regular sized bottoms (whatever they are) and one small-sized for little bottoms – and a sink. How useful!

However, as usual, it got me thinking. I began asking myself what a genuine mother-friendly toilet would really look like. I’ve come up with a few ideas:

  • A toilet that pulls down underpants, wipes bottoms and pulls the underpants back up.
  • A toilet which does all the above, washes and dries hands, has an automatically opening door and then self flushes as you leave the cubicle.
  • A voice-over which sternly tells your child off when they are about to touch the ‘dirty things’ in the cubicle space, for example, the disposal system, the floor, the sink, the door lock, the taps, the drier…
  • A toilet that cheers when you child hasn’t wee-weed¹ on themselves.
  • A toilet that is sound proofed so all conversations about vaginas and poos cannot be overheard by everyone else in the bathroom.
  • A toilet which has Peppa Pig, or scenes from Frozen playing while you are in there. It may not be the speediest visit but at least it will be a quiet one.
  • A nanny who comes in and toilets your children for you.
  • A nanny who toilets your children for you and then looks after them while you do the shopping.
  • A nanny who toilets your children, feeds them and entertains them while you visit the day spa.
  • A toilet that comes around to your home and does your housework while you are out shopping.
  • A toilet that comes around to your home, after doing your shopping, puts away said shopping, does your housework and makes dinner while you are at the day spa, and while the nanny looks after your kids.
  • A toilet that comes around to your home after doing your shopping, puts it away, does the housework, makes dinner, does your taxes and pays all your bills while you are at a resort in Thailand, and while the toilet nanny looks after your kids.

Now that would be a real ‘mother-friendly toilet’!

But this also got me thinking. I wonder if they have a ‘father friendly toilet’ in the men’s room?

 

¹I have spent some time (probably too much) trying to determine the correct way to write this. Wee’d just doesn’t look right and according to Dr Google is definitely wrong! Maybe I should have said pee’d?

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