RSS Feed

Monthly Archives: April 2013

The breakup letter

Dear Julia,

I am writing to tell you it’s over between us. Over the past three years I have worked hard to find the commonality between us but I am now lost in the wilderness. A Forrest peppered with mining rights has grown between us and I can’t see how you could ever find an axe, chainsaw or any other machine capable of bringing it down.

I have tried to understand your ways. I keep thinking you must have something up your sleeve, some card to play, a helpful skeleton to bring out of the (read Tony’s) closet. And maybe you still do, however I can’t wait any longer for it to be revealed. Maybe there is a Gennifer Flowers or cigar which could come in handy but I seriously doubt you could make them stick in any meaningful way.

To be perfectly frank, and I feel I can be after all the years I have shared with you and the Party, I really don’t think you know what you’re doing. Your voice makes me think you should understand me but your actions always let you down. You speak like most of us but your words are often primed for those of better schooling. As I sit here, in the cold and dark, scared to turn on anything requiring electricity, I wonder if you ever try to understand how I am feeling. I don’t think you have ever asked and the one time I tried to tell you I had to wait over nine months to get a response from one of your minion … oops, I mean ministers.

As you know, or maybe you don’t, I am one for democracy and fairness but from my perspective you and Kevin made a bit of a meal of things. Do you think you could have used a few more manners and saved the bust-up for when you were at home alone – like John did (please don’t see this as an endorsement of an era of politics I would rather was permanently burned from my mind)? It’s just nobody wants to see a fight at the party.  We don’t care if you come to us the next day and tell us you are irreconcilably separated. We see this as a civilised approach.

I know you will want to blame this all on Kevin, but you are both grown-ups. I liked both of you – you were like the A-Team but with suits and no shaggin’ wagon – and suddenly you were making me choose? That really sucked. And I think this makes it even super hard because there are still some friends of yours I really really like.

Bill, for example. He’s young and has a good sense of humour and well, to be honest, seems to still care. I will admit, I have a huge crush on Greg but feel he has been hidden, lost in the shadows – maybe a deliberate ploy and good on him if it is. It’s sad Nicola decided to pack up her things and move out, but the timing is probably right for her. She was a gun and achieved something very admirable. I think the addition of Bob was good in theory. Peter was awesome, when he was still in the band, but I think some of the fight has left him or at least taken him from the left. A pity really.

However, now feel I can no longer enjoy their company – not even on Q&A. My Monday nights have gone to wrack and ruin (except for last Monday’s The F Word episode which was really fabulous – watching Germaine Greer is always an inspiration even if she did make comment on your get-up).

In truth I think I miss the good old days. Call me naive but I long for a tall, dark-haired treasurer with the spark of a meerkat and a tongue of fire sparking out one liners with ease.

Rest assured I am not heading to the dark side. Your almost namesake and the Mirrorball are enough to keep me away from there. I am not sure where to head. With the loss of the Brown phenomenon, I am not sure Green is my colour.

Julia, I pray (not in a religious way) you find an answer. Might I suggest more eloquent speeches, those with gusto and drive? I don’t expect a ‘I have a dream…’ moment but something to end the nightmare for the true believers.

Good luck,